Making Friends in a New City: The Complete Guide
Making Friends in a New City: The Complete Guide
Last Updated: January 2026
You've moved to a new city. The apartment is unpacked, the job is started, and you're realizing something uncomfortable: you don't know anyone. The casual friendships you took for granted—the coworker you'd grab lunch with, the neighbor you'd chat with, the friend from college nearby—they're all hundreds of miles away.
Making friends in a new city is one of the most common yet least discussed challenges of adult life. Research shows it can take 6-12 months to establish a social network after a move. Here's how to do it faster—and better.
The New City Reality
Why It's So Hard
Moving resets your social life to zero:
- No existing connections: No one knows you
- No familiar places: Everywhere is unknown
- No routines yet: Patterns that create repeated contact don't exist
- No shared history: Inside jokes, common memories, mutual friends—gone
- No organic opportunities: You have to create every connection from scratch
The Loneliness Timeline
Expect a predictable pattern:
Month 1-2: Excitement about the new city masks loneliness. You're busy settling in.
Month 3-4: Loneliness hits. The novelty has worn off, and you realize how few real connections you have.
Month 5-6: Either isolation deepens or you've started building something.
Month 7-12: Social life either takes shape or feels increasingly hopeless.
Early effort matters. Don't wait until month 4 to start building connections.
The Strategy
Step 1: Create Repeated Contact
Friendship requires repeated, unplanned interaction. In a new city, you have to engineer this:
Join things immediately: - Sports leagues (even as a beginner) - Hobby groups and classes - Professional associations - Religious or spiritual communities - Volunteer organizations - Coworking spaces
The key: Regular attendance at the same activity with the same people.
Frequent the same places: - One coffee shop, not many - One gym, at the same time - One grocery store - One bar or restaurant
Becoming a "regular" creates familiarity and eventual connection.
Step 2: Be Aggressively Available
In a new city, you can't afford to be picky about timing:
- Say yes to every reasonable invitation
- Accept plans even when tired
- Take initiative suggesting activities
- Be flexible with scheduling
- Show up consistently
The first months require over-investment. You can calibrate later.
Step 3: Initiate Relentlessly
Waiting for invitations doesn't work in a new city:
- Suggest coffee, drinks, meals, activities
- Follow up with people you meet
- Propose second hangouts after first ones
- Create group activities and invite people
- Be the one who makes things happen
Most people want to connect but don't initiate. Be the initiator.
Step 4: Leverage Work
If you have a job, it's your primary social access:
- Say yes to every work social event
- Have lunch with different colleagues
- Suggest after-work activities
- Join or create workplace groups
- Be friendly to everyone, not just your immediate team
Work friendships can become real friendships.
Step 5: Use Technology Strategically
Apps and platforms designed for connection:
Friendship apps: - Bumble BFF - Meetup groups - Peanut (for moms) - Hey! Vina - Various local community apps
Interest-based communities: - Facebook groups for local interests - Reddit local subreddits - Discord servers for your city - Nextdoor (for neighborhood)
Use these as a starting point, then move to in-person interaction.
Step 6: Maintain Home Connections
Don't abandon existing friendships:
- Schedule regular calls
- Plan visits (in both directions)
- Keep them updated on your new life
- These relationships sustain you while building new ones
Old friends provide stability while you're building new connections.
Specific Tactics
The "Yes and Initiative" Rule
For the first 6 months: - Say yes to every social opportunity - Initiate at least one social interaction weekly
This simple rule builds momentum.
The Bridge Strategy
Find connectors—people who know everyone:
- The social organizer at work
- The longtime local who knows the city
- The person who's always hosting things
These people can introduce you to their networks.
The Niche Strategy
Find your specific community:
- Instead of generic "making friends," find your people
- Runners, gamers, book lovers, new parents, remote workers
- Shared interests create faster bonding
- Niche communities are often more welcoming
The Roommate Advantage
If you have roommates:
- Built-in social interaction
- Access to their social networks
- Forced repeated contact
- Lower stakes connection
Roommates can be a social lifeline in a new city.
The Neighborhood Strategy
Focus locally:
- Your immediate neighborhood creates convenience for connection
- Walking-distance friends are easier to maintain
- Neighborhood events and businesses create familiarity
- Local Facebook/Nextdoor groups can help
Common Mistakes
Waiting Too Long
Don't tell yourself you'll make friends "once you're settled." The early period is when you're most open to connection and others are most understanding of your newness.
Being Too Picky
In an established social life, you can be selective. In a new city, accept any reasonable connection. Not everyone will become a close friend, but volume leads to quality eventually.
Relying Only on Apps
Apps help, but they're not sufficient. Real friendship requires in-person, repeated contact. Use apps to find activities and initial connections, then build from there.
Neglecting Work Relationships
Work is your primary social access point. Don't treat it as just professional—the people you spend 40 hours a week with can become genuine friends.
Giving Up Too Soon
Six months is not enough time to conclude you can't make friends. Deep friendship takes hundreds of hours together. Keep going even when it feels hopeless.
The Timeline of Progress
Weeks 1-4: Join things, say yes to everything, establish routines Months 2-3: Start initiating, follow up with promising connections Months 3-4: Deepen specific relationships, host your first gathering Months 4-6: Friendships start feeling more natural, routines establish Months 6-12: Core friend group begins to emerge Year 2+: Deep friendships develop, social life feels stable
Special Situations
Moving for a Partner's Job
If you moved for someone else: - You didn't choose this—your feelings are valid - Build your own social life, not just an extension of theirs - Connect with other "trailing spouses" who understand - Don't rely entirely on your partner for social needs
Remote Workers
If you work from home: - Coworking spaces are essential - Create structure for leaving the house - Extra effort needed to find workplace-like connection - Regular activities matter even more
Introverts
If socializing drains you: - Quality over quantity from the start - Smaller activities rather than large events - One-on-one rather than groups - Build in recovery time, but don't skip social effort entirely
Moving Frequently
If you move often: - Some loneliness is unavoidable - Get faster at finding community - Maintain long-distance friendships as anchor - Consider whether frequent moving serves you
Frequently Asked Questions
How long does it really take to make friends in a new city?
Casual friendships: 2-4 months of regular interaction. Close friendships: 6-12 months minimum. Research shows close friendship requires about 200 hours together. This takes time no matter how efficiently you approach it.
I've tried and nothing is working. What am I doing wrong?
Common issues: not enough volume (need more activities/people), not enough consistency (need same people repeatedly), not initiating (waiting for invitations), or giving up too soon (6 months isn't enough). Evaluate which might apply to you.
Is it weird to use apps to make friends?
No. This is completely normal and increasingly common. Apps like Bumble BFF exist specifically for this purpose. Use them without shame.
How do I make friends as an introvert in a new city?
Focus on smaller activities aligned with your interests. Prioritize one-on-one connections. Join things with lower social intensity. Don't force yourself into extrovert-coded activities. But do push yourself—you still need repeated contact with the same people.